hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
Randomize
