i need an iv and a liver transplant
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
he had hair everywhere except his balls
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
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