grandma shit on top of the toilet
So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
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