I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
i blew a .213 what kind of thug blows the compton area code exactly? this guy
what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
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