he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
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