apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
Randomize
