It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
Randomize
