I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
Randomize
