My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
So I just went to clothing optional bar
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Randomize
