i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
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