I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
At least life still wants to fuck me.
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
Randomize
