Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
Randomize
