she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Randomize