Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
I have already put on my inside pants.
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Randomize
