I bet he comes in French.
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
I can't turn off my feet"
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
Randomize
