I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
you didnt know i had herpes?
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
Randomize
