will power is for people who don't want to get laid
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Randomize
