I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Randomize