Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
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