theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
Randomize
