You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Randomize