Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
Randomize
