My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
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