Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
Randomize
