just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
I'm both gender and math confused
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
Randomize
