I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
17 year olds will be the death of me.
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
Randomize
