My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
Question: terrible or awesome when a girl give you head so vigorously that you get a hickey of sorts
Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
Randomize
