that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
Randomize
