Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
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