i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
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