I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
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