I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
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