Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
Shitshow foam night was such a success
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
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