I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
Randomize
