ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
