I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
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