how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
