Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
Randomize
