some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
Randomize
