hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
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