i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
Randomize
