Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
No subtext here. People are naked.
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
Randomize
