This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
I'm having to shit out rocks
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
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