I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Randomize
