what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
