I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
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