Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
