Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
Randomize
