Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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