I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
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