so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
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