dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
Randomize
