What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
Randomize
