Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize
