Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
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