would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
Randomize
