hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
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