Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
Randomize
