She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
Acid is not a monday night drug
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
Randomize
