On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
Randomize
