If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
guys are not supposed to queef...right?
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
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