Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
I am one with the molecules
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
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