I met the friendliest cop last night
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize