There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
Randomize
