I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
Randomize
