everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
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