He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
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