Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
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