But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
Randomize
