Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
Randomize
