the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
