I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
