So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
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