My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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