She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
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