dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
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