i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
Randomize
