I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
Randomize
