I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
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