Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Randomize
