Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
