im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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