i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
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