I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
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