I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
No I am not eating basil off your cock
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Randomize
