Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
Randomize
