Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
Randomize
