i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
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