Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
And my parents said I crawled through the house
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
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