Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
People are allowed to visit it's just they can't be from Germany and have to wear masks.
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Randomize
