remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
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