I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
Randomize
