that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
They should really pass out barf bags in church
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Randomize
