Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Randomize
