I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Randomize
